2-year-olds x 2 = Tears (Lots of them)
The girls are two. Call it terrible, terrific, tantruming, whatever; the twos are not my favorite age to parent. Dakotapastor adores two-year olds. That is because he gets the girls in small doses. I live with them all.day.long.
I can handle a lot of things.
I can handle the diapers.
I can handle the messes.
I can handle reading The Snowy Day
I can even handle the all day doling out of snacks.
What I cannot seem to handle gracefully is the incessant whining and crying.
Because when two toddlers whine and cry all day long it is becomes increasingly difficult for this mom to not resort to yelling.
For example, this morning Lizzie whined and cried at the breakfast table for a full 20 minutes…while eating her food. Then she had a full blown tantrum while I wiped her face, and finally I decided to start over and put her back into her bed.
Last night Emily cried so hard that she had a coughing fit that was non stop…all because her mean mom was making her sleep in her own bed instead of mom’s.
There are the tears over the wrong crayons, wrong books and wrong television shows.
There are tears because we are not going “bye-bye” and there are tears because we are going “bye-bye”.
We have tears over shoes vs. boots.
We have tears over the dog leaving the room (I kid you not).
And this, my friends, is why I count down to naptime like a 5 year old counts down to Christmas.
And this, my friends, is why I put them to bed at 7 pm every night and get growly about midweek lenten services.
By the end of the day, I’m not sure which of the three of us is more worn out.
And yet, these little girls are such blessings. I pray that the crying will decrease as their verbal skills increase. I so enjoy snuggling them close and looking into their sweet eyes. I am enjoying watching them grow up. I’m really hoping that my memory does not have a soundtrack. I’d rather remember this time as a lot of time snuggling and reading together and doing puzzles, not me counting down to naptime!
Chime in! Do you have any advice on taming a pair of crybabies? Or, just bring me coffee:)
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Oh dear! Hang in there! Cameron had a huge fit last night too. Must be the moon. I just finished reading Bringing up Bebe and it has helped me alot to realize that part of our jobs as parents is to teach our kids to deal with frustration. At least that is what I tell myself when Cameron is screaming mama and I’m in the bathroom crying myself. Hang in there!
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In that case, my kids are learning to deal with a lot of frustration! I figure God is really trying to grow my patience! Of course, even with the all day cry fests, I would not trade them for the world!
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Here I thought I was alone about not liking the crying fits over blue or green crayons! My Hubs REALLY hates it, and stops it immediately… well quicker than I can … sometimes… other times it makes it worse because now he has really upset the 3 year old that was already upset. By that point Mommy is the only one that can comfort him. Which really is the 3 year playing sides with us
Then Hubs wants to explain to me that I should stop it as soon as it starts, and I remind him HE can try that the next FULL day he has with him LOL Either way, I am not really sure if it ever ends? I know plenty of teenage girls/boys that wine like babies LOL GOD will grow our patience more when we fill that its not needed most!
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I know! I’d love to be able to say that my older kids have grown out of this stage, but they have not. Heck…even I whine far more than I should. God must think I’m a pain to live with most days:) There is always tomorrow!
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I could not imagine having 2 crying at the same time. Or taking turns crying. You are an amazing woman!
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Oh I hear you about the crying! And how easily crying leads to yelling (for me, too!) I really don’t want to be the yelling mama, but HOW ELSE ARE THEY GOING TO HEAR ME WHEN THEY ARE MAKING ALL THAT RACKET????!?!?!?!?!
OK so you can see I’ve had one of those weeks too. At least it’s much funnier when it’s over. Or when they’re sleeping. Or after a glass of wine
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I know all too well EXACTLY what you are talking about! Over the last month our girls have started the crying and the whining and the tantrums over absolutely anything and everything! While they haven’t cried because the dog left the room (yet), they do cry often because the cat went up the stairs (to escape from them!), they want more grapes, they don’t want any grapes, they can’t have ice cream for breakfast, they have to get their diaper changed, they want to paint, they don’t want to paint, they want to read, no, not that book this book, AGAIN, etc. etc. etc.. I don’t think this is my favorite age to parent either, literally only because of the whining, crying, and tantrums, and I have to try SO hard not to yell at them (and unfortunately I usually fail at least a couple times a day). I love their smiles and giggles, and how much knowledge they are soaking up! And of course the occasional cuddles =).
I can only imagine being at home with my girls 24/7. I work 4 days a week, so I only have 3 full days home with them, and while I love them dearly, they are so exhausting! You are doing an amazing job momma!!! Don’t you doubt that for a minute!!!
“Last night Emily cried so hard that she had a coughing fit that was non stop…all because her mean mom was making her sleep in her own bed instead of mom’s.”
Crying that hard is a sign of severe distress in a little one. It’s beyond the whining and screaming and tantrums over the seemingly little things. Even though a break from the girls seems good, sleeping together at night can benefit mom and girls. Mom gets time with the girls in which they are peaceful and adorable while they sleep. She can gaze at them and be reminded what blessings they are and hold them close (which is hard with all the crying!!) The girls can get much needed attachment time and physical closeness/touch that they don’t get as much as busy 2 year olds.
Hang in there mom! It’s a hard time. And it will pass.
We have had them sleep with us, a lot. But none of us was sleeping anymore. there were fights and jockeying for bed position, and quite frankly, our bed is not that big. Since she does sleep with her sister, I feel like she is not alone. I think the coughing was more brought on m=by her cold, as I do try not to distress the girls too much. But sometimes at 2 it is more temper than distress. I think if there was but one girl, it might be easier to head off the tears.
Although this post may appear like I am, I am not, and really never have been a CIO mom. All of my kids have nursed to sleep and I have ben up with them in the night well into their second years. However, once they wean (the girls weaned at 17 months) sleep becomes much more regular for us, until the manipulating twos come along. Sometimes my house is like one very long “Bedtime for Frances” look-alike!
I do have the perspective to know that this will pass, however, right now it seems pretty overwhelming some days:)
Twitter: dakotapam
It will get better around 3 1/2 years, but then gets worse again when they hit 5. My twin girls were great until they started Kindergarten. I think life is busier now also, so I’m running out of patience to deal with the whinning. We did recently start a chore chart that has helped some. They love getting stars on the chart (even though it is stuff they should already be doing). Good Luck & hang in there!
Thanks! Yes, 5 is not my favorite age either. 6 is kind of a sweet spot, at least it was with my older kids! Thank you for the encouragement!
Twitter: dakotapam
“And this, my friends, is why I count down to naptime like a 5 year old counts down to Christmas.” Best thing you ever wrote, hands down.
My 2 year-old almost has me at the end of my rope. Doing it in two’s? Seriously? I can’t even imagine. All I can say is that I believe in naps and early bedtimes!
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I’m thankful that God seems to have given me just (barely) enough patience to hang on. Plus he gave me the gift of writing, so I can blog my frustrations out!
Twitter: dakotapam
Hang on! It will get easier as they can share what they need and want. I think not giving into the whining is key (although I know how hard that is to do) – it reinforces that whining gets them what they want. When my 5 year old whines, I simply say “I’m sorry, I don’t respond to whining.” He’ll rephrase his request in a normal voice then – so maybe once they are communicating well you can give that a try! Good luck!!!!
Yes, very good point! A mantra for our older kids is “If you cry, you will not get what you want.” It is probably time to start that with the little girls too!
Twitter: dakotapam
Pam
I don’t have twins but I have six children all 18 months apart from each other. Two of them had colic and one of them whined until he was four. It was torture.
I have to tell you, whining grades my nerves. I don’t have a magic cure but I can tell you one day it will just stop (somewhere around 4 or 5 years old). When the silence occurs you won’t even notice until a few days goes by and you’ll smile to yourself as you remember how peaceful it is.
It’s only a time an a season. They will get bigger, hang in there!
Yes, thankfully, I know this will pass. Of course, since my kids are so spread out, I’ll likely have whiney grand babies in the house right when things begin to get quiet. But I her that whiney grand babies are cuter and more tolerable:)
Twitter: dakotapam
Oh my! I didn’t have twins so my heart goes out to you b/c its 2x the activity. Crying and whining a lot of times is gain attention. At two, you can experience this a lot, so get prepared and come up with a strategy to nip it in the bud immediately.
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse
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Nap time can give you a break if they both take a nap at the same time
At the age they do whine for everything…happy or say
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No twins here, but I do have eight children. Not sure I have any advice. I always napped and nursed mine. Nothing like a good cuddle to calm the “beast”. Not sure if that would work in your case though.
Trying to distract them, take them for a drive or a walk in the stroller….sometimes just a different scene is enough to get their minds off of what they were crying about.
Twitter: faithfamilyrevw
Yes! Nap and nurse is my favorite. Sadly they are past the nursing stage and they get angrier if I try to hold them. However, I’ve been isolating screachers in their rooms…it helps a bit! And 8 kids…I’d mention that you have your hands full…but then, you never ever hear that:)
Twitter: dakotapam
No, never!
Isolation is good, but only if they understand why they are isolated, that’s why I like distractions. Or even resort to a movie. I never ever wanted to be a TV mom, but since I started working from home, it was necessary to have something to have quiet so I could make phone calls in peace!
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Yes, I never thought I’d use TV either, but now Netflix streaming is my motherhood best friend some days! Distraction is great, and I really do need to work on it more. Of course, they are both pretty strong willed…just like their mama!
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Oh the joys of being a mom to multiplies. My twin girls are six months on the seventh and I am currently experincing what its like when one wants to cry while the other one drifts off to sleep, which in turn wakes up the drifted and she screams.
It is both a curse and blessing with twins. I wish you patience as I’m sure hoping I can grasp some before they get older..
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In the hardest times I remember what joy they really do bring me! Make sure to check out my Got Twins? Page…lots of good stuff there!
Twitter: dakotapam
Not having children, I don’t have any advice, but I am sure you’ll look back and only remember the fun and good times!
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I sure hope so! Thanks!
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It all depends on what you do when they cry, honey. You don’t have to put up with that. They’re old enough to learn to not cry about every little thing. When my children did things like that, I gently put them in bed and made them stay there until they quit crying – but be warned – you have to make them stay there. The minute they quit crying, they can get up. I don’t blame you for being upset. Kids can drive you crazy unless they know they can’t manipulate you. The fact that yours are twins means that one of them is learning from the other one. Take a firm stand, Mom, and sanity will return.
Yes, I’ve begun returning them to their room to cry. At least then they are nt following me around and wailing!
Twitter: dakotapam
I can absolutely assure you that you will remember so many more of the good things than the bad as your girls grow older.
Just stand firm, and keep doing what you’re doing. By not buying into the crying and whining, they will learn that they cannot get their way by doing that. They will eventually stop trying.
In the mean time, get another cup of coffee, but make it a decaf
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Thank you! With my older kids I remember much more of the good than the bad, I ray it is the same with these two!
Twitter: dakotapam
I don’t know twins. But I do know whining. It takes every bit of self control in a parent’s body to stay calm and not go crazy. Sometimes I succeeded and sometimes I did not! I used to tell them, “I do not listen when you whine. If you have something to say, say it in a normal voice.” But I’m not so sure that would work with 2 yr olds!
Yes, we say “if you cry, you will not get what you want.”. now to stand firm:)
Twitter: dakotapam
Nothing grates on my nerves as mch as whining. I have no tips for you but I can commiserate
. Even though I only have one two year old he’s plenty whiny at times.
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We can be thankful for naptime together!
Twitter: dakotapam
Patience and peace to you. When mine got cranky (they were 3.5 years apart and now they’re teens) I’d start to cry (not for real) when they did. They’d be startled, but ultimately try to soothe and comfort me. It usually worked.
I’m certain they’re lovely, and you will get through it.
Peace and good.
I just might have to try that! Thank you:)
Twitter: dakotapam
I only have one strong-willed and some times whiny 2 year old! Some times it’s hard for me to get my head in the game to remember that it’s only a season. Thanks for the reminder!
Yes, just a season:) thank you for the perspective!
Twitter: dakotapam
But I thought after colic it was all easy sailing? LOL I’m going to enjoy this time between colic and the 2s.
Yes, that was a sweet spot. I am trying to be more consistent, which seems to help the whining:)
Twitter: dakotapam
Sorry don’t have kids only nephews. But I can say we tried everything. We found what they liked and made sure that if they stopped crying and listened then they could have what they liked to play with.
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Yes, I try to encourage the positive behavior by rewarding it.
Twitter: dakotapam
Good news, the memories don’t include the soundtrack. God bless your beautiful family. It’s a high calling to be a mom.
That is great to know! Thanks for the smile today!
Twitter: dakotapam
I have one two year old… I can only imagine two at once!! You’ve captured 2 year olds perfectly… it’s a good thing that they are also so cute at this age
Hang in there… someday you’ll have 2 teenage girls 
Eek! Thanks for the reminder:)
Twitter: dakotapam
Totally understand how that whining just cuts right to the nerves! I only have 1 to deal with so God bless you with two!!!! I don’t think I have any great advice b/c our son’s only 18-mos so he’s only just starting with the “no’s” and little tantrums. I guess the thing we try to do is ask him “why” a lot so that he learns to express his feelings instead of just crying or whining. Hopefully it continues to work for us into the 2s and 3s. And you are so right that once their verbal skills develop, the whining should subside. Though I have a coworker with twin 9-yr olds and she says that one of them has worse tantrums than when she was only 2. Her advice to me has always been “be consistent” “be strong” and “don’t give up”. She wish she would have followed that advice b/c that one daughter can be incorrigible at times. I’m RSS-ing your blog!!!
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I’m really hoping things get better as they get more verbal. My kids are all late talkers, so that is hard. Thanks for coming by, and I hope to see you again!
Twitter: dakotapam
I can only imagine what it’s like to have twins. You must have a lot of patience! Our neighbor has twin girls and I just don’t know how you all do it! WOW!
I don’t have patience, but I’m learning:)
Twitter: dakotapam
I don’t have kids, so I can’t really offer advice. I remember when my younger brother (he is 16 yrs younger than me) was about 2 or 3. He was obsessed with Blue’s Clues. I would keep him at home with me until it was time for me to head to my classes, and then I would drop him off with my mom at her office. He got upset one day when I was dropping him off, because he somehow thought we were going to Blue’s house, when we got to my mom’s office, he started having a crying fit!
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I bet my kids would love to go to Blue’s house as well! How funny!
Twitter: dakotapam
My favorite saying is, “this too shall pass”.
Some stages are hard all the way through teen years, but hang in there. It’s worth it! 
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Indeed. And, in fact, they are a lot of fun…when they are not crying.
Twitter: dakotapam
I will be sitting with you waiting for that extra coffee!!! My son JUST turned two 2 weeks ago, and we just took away the binky cold turkey. Yikes. He NEVER used to whine or cry and then SUDDENLY – it’s CONSTANT. Not just at nap/bed when you’d expect it b/c of having no binky, but like ALL the time for the silliest things. VERY emotional. Is there some switch when they turn two?
If I know he has been changed, fed, loved, etc and he starts the crying over something little like I put the juice on the chair instead of the table for him, I firmly tell him that we don’t cry for things but we ask nicely. if he continues I say, “Mommy will be washing the dishes, let me know when you can talk to me.” and I pretend I am not listening (of course, I am and it’s eating my heart and mind out! LOL). I think acknowledging that you understand they are sad but that crying does not get attention is the way to go. Well… I am hopeful at least!
I think there must be a two year old switch.
Twitter: dakotapam
If you go to 100 experts, you will probably get 100 different parenting approaches.
The best thing for you is what works for you…if it is not working, then it is time to try something different. They say that insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting different results.
I have three chidlren and operated a home daycare with six babies and toddlers while my own children were growing up. I absolutely loved it…but I had routines and schedules in place. Parents would tell me, “Oh, 2 year old Johnny hasn’t taken a nap since he was 18 months old.” But in my home, everyone took a nap…it was necessary for them…and for me!!! If you only have one child, perhaps you can be a little more laid back…but with twins, I would think you would need to have a timetable and stick to it…otherwise you would burn out from exhaustion.
Do you have any help…husband/partner, family, friends, twins support group? With twins, it is not only nice to have help, I think it is imperative.
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I have tons of support:) an awesome husband and the girls have 4 big brothers…lots of twin mamas around too! Naptime is non negotiable here, and they have actually started to ask to lie down…I bet they grow soon!
Twitter: dakotapam
Poor momma! Not a parent, but I can imagine that’s quite difficult.
I do not have any advice about whining. But, yes, the whining dies down a little the more they develop their verbal skills. Although, my oldest (4-years old) has days where his every word comes out a whine- even when asking a simple question like, “Can I have more water, please?” He w-h-i-n-e-s it out!
I have to agree that twindom is cool! My youngest brother and sister are twins and I always fascinated by how they interact with each other. I still am and they are 21 years old!
Oh wait, I guess I do have a tip. When the whining begins, I always say, “I do not understand people that whine when they speak.” Then I keep asking them to repeat themselves until they stop whining. If they aren’t getting it, I make them enunciate every word they keep whining to me. With two-year olds this probably will not work. But save it for the 4′s.
I have always wanted to gave twins but it never worked out for me. The only thing I have to let you know is ‘THESE SHALL ALL PASS’. It can be crazy but it’s just a matter of time.
I am thankful I do not have twins.
I had a friend who found out she was expecting twins a couple years back and I think I was as stressed out for her as she was for herself. But she has done great. So I don’t have advice on twins but I do understand the whining fests. I have 3 ages 5, 3, and 2 and some days it seems we can fuss about anything.
I think I’ll take twins over three under 6! I bet they do keep you hopping! I always say that it is a good thing that kids are cute…
Twitter: dakotapam
I don’t know how anyone does it with twins! I had my hands full with one at a time at any given age. God bless you!
Two year olds are a handful, but I still think the 3′s are worse. I can’t imagine doing it with twins. Yikes! I have a teen and a toddler (almost 2) and I know what you mean about whining about EVERYTHING. If she’s not hurt or in danger, I try my best to ignore her until she speaks, then I give her my full attention. Hope that helps a bit!
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My kids can both be very whiny as well. It is the one thing that really drives me crazy! I frequently have to remind myself to take a deep breath… and I will even put myself in “time out” to calm down and clear my head. As hard as it may seem – try to ignore it. They may continue it because it gets them attention, and at that age, kids don’t care what type of attention they get as long as they are getting it.
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I don’t know much about parenting, but I used to babysit 9 year old twin girls. They were SO fun
Something to look forward to? I have no tolerance for whining in my classroom!
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My oldest was a late talker (I think she was almost 2…maybe a little more). Anyway, we taught her baby sign. Best thing we ever did! She could communicate with us and we knew what she wanted. Once she got the first couple signs (more & Mommy), she picked them up so quick!
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we do some signs…I think I need to encourage them more!
Twitter: dakotapam
Whining is so hard to deal with! I can’t take it for long so my kids go to time-out when it happens. And yes, sometimes I am counting down to bedtime too! Even though that sometimes doesn’t help (my two year old is crying in her room about the fact she has to go to bed right now!)
Ok – 4 of my 5 are about out of this stage, so I can say that eventually, this too shall pass…. I know, I often say I wished kids could go from age 2 to 5 and we’d all love each other more! A few words of advice: 1 don’t give in! 2. Keep telling them calming to use their words (maybe supplie them with the appropriate words to say and have the repeat it. 3. Give 2 choices if any 4. Keep it simple 5. Tell them they are whining (crying, or whatever) and then say “no, whining”. Sometimes they are not realizing they are doing something they shouldn’t, they just can’t find the right thing to say or do.
Oh – naptimes and timeouts are more for you than them, so you won’t kill them!
I don’t have twins, or any kids of my own, but I remember one of my first babysitting assignments in high school I was a mother’s helper for a friend of my mom’s who had twins! I walked over to her house everyday after school and helped her out–we’re friends on Facebook now and her oldest daughter (not one of the twins) is now in high school! It’s so crazy to think that one of the girls I used to watch is now old enough to do the watching herself. Funnily enough, I always seem to know a set of twins. Or, quite a few sets, actually. I think a few of the families at my church have been blessed with twins, and my brother was supposed to be a twin but some weird kind of happened. My mom went and got an ultrasound one month, and they were certain there were two babies in there. At the next check-up, only one. I think it was very early on in the pregnancy when that happened though. My sister is also married to a twin!
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Before having my own twins I had a lot of twins in my life too…I babysat for a family with 5 boys, including a set of twins! I had friends at seminary have twins, my bff is married to a twin and another bff is a twin…we twin people tend to cump together, you may have mor twins in your life int he future! Thanks for dropping by!
Twitter: dakotapam
I haven’t had to deal with a 2 year old in about 5 years but I have a 10 1/2 year old and that’s almost like dealing with a 2 year old just on a different level lol. DRAMA is the name of the game, complete with attitude, stomping and screaming. It’s really not that much different.
This too shall pass however and you’ll long for those days–at least that’s what they say lol.
Christy
http://www.alivinghomeschool.com
The tantrum times are hard! Mine were worse at 3 than 2, but all kids are different. Sounds like you’re doing great – set consequences, routines, and stick with them!
I love the picture. You could not have picked a better one to go with the post. They are adorable. I think two yr olds remind us all that as people we aren’t “inherently good”. We want what we want when we want it!
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I don’t have twins but I hear ya! I only have one 10-month old and it’s already such a challenge! People say “just wait until he learns to walk!” . My hubby’s the same. Since I stay with my baby the whole day, he doesn’t really see what a real challenge it is to take care of our baby.
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I feel your pain! I have 3.5 year old twin girls who have similar whining issues. Three has been tougher for me than 2. So tough the past few weeks that my husband has called in reinforcements. The girls will be going to grandparents for the weekend as this mommy was on the verge of committing herself. The fighting between the two of them and fighting with me on what socks, what spoon etc is the newest. Four will be better I am sure of it!
Wow – 2 yr. old twins!! I’m not a mom yet, so I don’t have any advice to offer. You are doing well. Your daughters are adorable, but I’m sure they are also a handful!
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We always pretend we can’t understand our kids when they use their whiny voices! Of course, that doesn’t mean they don’t whine, but it happens less often and doesn’t last long!
Whining gets under my skin too. Sometimes you have to walk away from it. Just remember, it will eventually stop.
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I’ve got six kids, and at any given point there is always one child who inspires a sigh of relief at bedtime and a slight pang of dread upon waking hour. But I’ve seen with the older ones that this time passes, and soon they become our favorite people to be with! Hang in there. They won’t be two forever.
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This is really something to think about. I never had twins and I could only imagine the crying. I do hope you are able to come up with some type of solution. Have you tried anything with music that could distract them when they start? Good luck!
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