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I love to stand back and observe the boys. I prefer to do it when they don’t know I’m looking. Then I play a little game…I like to try and figure out where every goofy mannerism comes from. Sometimes I see a set of a jaw just like their father, sometimes I see a slight crossing of the eyes which comes from me. I watch them giggle at things that are not funny, me again. I watch them figure out complex problems and look pleased with themselves, definitely Dad.
These are enjoyable creatures that the Rev and I helped bring into the world. But oh my, some days I feel so pressured by the responsibility of it all, the fact that I have to try and make them into respectful, caring men, husbands, fathers. That is a HUGE job.
But you know what? I’m not in this alone. First off, God gave me my husband to father these boys. He does an incredible job. He can jump in just when I am ready to go into crazy mom mode. Sometimes he even jumps in long before I reach that point. He is an incredible and unselfish provider. He is a fabulous example of how to be caring, yet strong.
But, even if the Rev were not around, I would still not be alone in this feat. God promised that he is with me always. I remind you, and myself often, that people let me down. They really cannot help it. I let people down all the time. I am flawed. All of humanity is flawed. We are full of sin. We cannot escape it. Because of this sin, I will always be an imperfect mother, no matter how hard I try to achieve perfection, whatever that will look like. Thanks be to God, that he is perfect, and dependable, and steady and sure. He’s unchanging.
So, when I look at my boys, trying to see pieces of me and my husband in them, I hope to also see bits of their Heavenly Father in them as well. When I look at Andrew I see a staunchness and a firmness that I pray will keep him in his baptismal grace. When I look at William I see the kindness in his eyes, that comes from the compassion his Heavenly Father has. In Owen I see a yearning to know more of God, and an eagerness to tell others what he knows. And lastly, in Ethan I see the childlike, innocent faith that we all should have. He does not question, he just believes!