Last night was a final band concert for kid #2.
Somehow in the hubub of mothering, two of my baby chicks managed to make it to adulthood (mostly) unscathed.
Graduating a second kid is much easier than the first time around. Three years ago I was totally emotionally unprepared for the feelings that would wash over me. And mostly, I feared that I would lose my son. I feared that somehow, he would graduate, move away and never need me again. Thre years later, I KNOW that this is not true. I’ve also really enjoyed our changing and growing relationship.
So, part of this round of the senior year, I’ve spent looking forward to that child to adult transition.
Perhaps things are eased with knowing that graduation does not equal moving out for this young man. He will be living at home and attending college locally. Perhaps, I just really (mostly) like the young man he has become. I’m really super proud of what he has accomplished. Elementary school and middle school were a real struggle for him, but he has excelled in high school and has become organized and responsible.
And yet, as happy as I am for his future, I still choked up a bit at that concert last night. Not during the music itself. During the music, I just soaked it in. (and I secretly enjoyed that it was 12th-grade level music versus the 5th-grade level that he started with!) I choked up at the final applause. Because, really, it is his final applause. I don’t see him playing horn in college, or in the community symphony. He’s pretty much done. And finality is a funny thing.
He has a lot of great things ahead of him…plenty of first things…and plenty of lasts.
The challenge will be to find the joy in both the firsts and the lasts.