The Trouble With Twindom

twins
At the end of the day, they are sweethearts.

The trouble with twins is that while we have two times the fun, and two times the snuggles; here at 20 months of age, we also have two times the tantrums. There are challenges with raising twins.

I’m not going to sugar coat this. I’m not going to lie. Some days I feel like I have a twin crying All.Day. Long.

Combine the tantrums with our family tendency for late talking, we have tantruming toddlers who cannot talk to me. Not that I really want to know what they think anyway. I’m fairly certain they would just tell me that I am mean for not allowing one more cookie, or insisting on a nap or not putting the shoes back on for the fiftieth time in a day.

Going out in public is getting tougher. Neither girl is fond of sitting in a shopping cart. However, neither girl really wants to walk  nicely next to the cart either. Have you ever read Llama Llama Mad at Mama? In the middle of the story, the climax, if you will, the little llama throws a tantrum of epic proportions in the middle of the store. Groceries, shoes, toys, and clothing go flying. This is but a wee insight into what happens when I shop with the twins.

This would all not be so disturbing, except that I am an experienced mother! This is not my first rodeo! I have four other kids who I stayed home with, and took grocery shopping, and took them in fitting rooms with me so I could buy jeans that fit. And while the boys may have whined and complained; none of them threw fits that caused fellow shoppers to stare at me as if I were the one throwing a fit.

So what is a mom to do? For now, I stick pretty close to home. A cop-out perhaps, but sanity is important too. I can wait until after school when I have older brother assistants, but they are not fond of spending their free time running errands either.

I was sharing my toddler twin woes during a playdate on Friday. All of the moms of singletons clucked politely and said silent prayers of thanks that they had but one baby at a time. However, sweet Mae, mom of two sets of twins, two years apart, laughed. She said, “I wish I had some great Mom of Multiples wisdom for you, but I’ve got nothing.” And then I realized that we are all wallowing through this motherhood thing.

Advice from other moms may or may not work. . .we are all a product of our current and past environments. Some days I even dream of the freedoms something like a live in housekeeper or nanny would give me. And yet, I wonder if extra help could even complicate things further.

What I do know is that no matter how difficult these days are, I would not trade them for life without my crazy, moody, sweet, beautiful twins. They are a blessing beyond words, and a lesson in patience for me as well.

Chime in! What are your kids teaching you? Patience? Acceptance? Unconditional love? You know I’d love to hear from you!

Do you have twins, are expecting twins or know someone who is? Make sure you click on over to my “Got Twins?” page and learn more about the wonders of twindom! Lots of advice and experience from pregnancy, breast feeding and beyond!

My Life With Twins: When Twins Come Early

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to one of my favorite fellow twin mamas! My friend Kristin agreed to guest post today to share her experience with preemie twins, what led to their premature birth, and how the March of Dimes has helped her family! You can read more from Kristin here and here

 

Kristin with the twins
There is always a special feeling when you hold both babies at the same time!

I have always supported the March of Dimes and the amazing work that they do.  They have helped to fund the research of amazing medical advances such as the polio vaccine, perfect amniocentesis, and helped to educate women of child bearing age about the importance of taking enough folic acid to prevent neural tube defects.

I supported the March of Dimes and their mission to help moms achieve full term pregnancies and researching the problems that threaten health of babies long before I ever fully understood just what the March of Dimes does.Then in December 2005 I saw firsthand the amazing things that the March of Dimes has accomplished with funds raised…because I became a Preemie Mommy.

In May 2005 my husband and I learned that we were pregnant. We were over the moon, as we had been trying for over 18 months to get pregnant after the birth of our first daughter, Delainey in 2003. In June we learned we were expecting twins…. It was amazing and we couldn’t have been happier.  Our pregnancy went extremely well. We did have a few pre-term labor scares and a few bouts with modified bedrest but once we made it to 33 weeks in mid December both my doctors and I sighed a huge sigh of relief because we knew that our girls were going to be ok.

The Thursday before Christmas I began to get ill. I started feeling dizzy, flushed, and swelling a lot. I went to the clinic and was told to go home and try and relax over the holiday. During the Christmas holiday my symptoms got worse. In addition to being dizzy, swollen and being flushed I began to have horrible headaches. I went to the hospital to get checked on Christmas Day and was again sent home and told to relax. My husband and I finally went into the hospital on Dec 26th, the Monday after Christmas, as I had begun to have contractions and we were only 34 weeks pregnant.  When we got to the hospital they attempted to stop the contractions but also began to explore my symptoms further as I had begun having severe abdominal pain in addition to previous symptoms.

I was eventually diagnosed with HELLP syndrome Class 1 (the most severe). I had all the signs of HELLP and they were ignored both by the clinician I saw on the Thursday before the holiday as well as the doctor who saw me on Christmas Day.  Both my husband and I were very scared when we learned that our twins were going to be joining us in a matter of minutes. I was quickly rushed to the operating room where I was placed under general anesthesia (because of my illness I could not be awake during the operation because of risks to me).

NICU baby Our girls were born at 11:44 and 11:46am on Monday, December 26th, 2005… and they were both quickly rushed into the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) because of respitory distress. They were both placed on breathing machines and given IVs.

I was unable to see my daughters until 7pm on December 27th due to the severity of my own medical condition but when I was finally taken to see them it was just amazing. At the moment you don’t think of all the wires, lines, machines and people… you only think about your baby… or in our cases babies. NICU baby

Life in the NICU is different that is for certain. Having had a NICU free preterm birth with our first daughter, this was all new to us. There was no seeing your baby when you wanted to, there was no cuddling with them in your own bed, there was no holding them when you wanted, or even showing them off to family. They were kept in small incubators and behind walls, doors and glass. It required 2 full minutes of washing up before you could even enter into the NICU to see them.

Our daughters were placed on “grow/feed” status which really truly meant they were just there to learn to eat and breathe at the same time, regulate their body temperatures and put on just a little bit of weight before they were able to come home.

We had a rough 11 days of trying to coordinate schedules of “NICU time” and making sure that we spent enough time with our older daughter who was only 2 years old at the time. I wanted to be at the NICU as much as possible so that I could establish a healthy breastfeeding relationship with my girls… I wanted to be their mom and not just a bystander.

Our NICU staff was amazing! The nurses were by far angels on earth. They would comfort me when I couldn’t get Shelby to nurse and they celebrated with us when Avery actually ate her whole feeding with neither of us wearing it. We all celebrated together as the girls moved from their incubators to isolettes (open air glass cribs).

Honestly, our girls had a relatively uneventful NICU stay (praise God), and we were only in the NICU for 11 days.  On January 6th, 2006 at 11 days old, both of us girls were able to come home. Both my husband and I sighed a huge sigh of relief to have our family at home and complete. And it has been wonderful ever since.

Grown twins
Avery and Shelby, all grown up!

As a NICU graduate Mommy, I have just a few ‘survival’ tips to share with you:

  • Trust your medical staff. They are there to support you and to care for your child(ren). They do know their jobs, and they are good at them.
  • There is no ‘planning’ in the NICU. You will not find out that you are going home until probably the day of… you may get to know the day before. It helps no one to get disappointed if you are given a date and then something happen that can change that.
  • You can still breastfeed your preemie, and you can breastfeed your preemie multiples. It will be difficult, but it can be done. I took the ‘stance’ of whatever gets them home, so my girls were allowed to have bottles of expressed breast milk while in NICU (bottle feeding is easier). It wasn’t until we got home the breastfeeding got fully established.
  • When someone asks to help… LET THEM. We know we are all super mom, but even super mom deserves a break.
  • Remember to sleep. Because trust me, once your preemie gets home you aren’t going to get any.

It is because of the wonderful help that our family received from the March of Dimes and their amazing research that we like to give back.

The March for Babies, is the biggest annual fundraiser for the March of Dimes. Walks are scheduled all over the country beginning in May and going through June. Our family has been active walkers in the March for Babies since 2006 and we are doing it again this year.  Please join us in fighting for the   babies…because babies shouldn’t have to fight.

 

2010 March For babies team
Our 2010 March for Babies team.

Thanks Kristin, for sharing your experience. My Emily was cared for in the very same NICU as Shelby and Avery, and the care she received was indeed wonderful. Though Emily was not pre-term, we shared similar experiences and Kristin was a great support for me while Emily was in the hospital.

Do you have twins, are expecting twins or know someone who is? Make sure you click on over to my “Got Twins?” page and learn more about the wonders of twindom! Lots of advice and experience from pregnancy, breast feeding and beyond!