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I am starting to feel the critical load of motherhood, and all of my other vocations.
In my old life, when the Rev pastored a large congregation, I could melt into the background, bake an occasional pan of bars, teach Sunday School when I felt ready to do so, and make an occasional pot of lenten soup. Now, we have this fledgling mission congregation. I feel a lot more stressed now as a PW. I’m not whining, or complaining, I’m just putting the facts out there. When we have such a small group, my absence leaves a gaping hole if I skip out of something. For the past two weeks I have taught Sunday School for kids ranging from age four to age 10…too big of a range…I need to ask for help, but then I feel guilty because it takes someone out of Pastor’s class, and to me that seems unfair.
Now I’m working. I’m only working a few days a week, but they are long days leaving me selfish for time with the boys when I am not working. I am getting my first real taste of mommy guilt. At the same time it is nice to say yes to a few more things that were no in the past. And I can’t lie, I enjoy my job. And, truth be told, it would have to happen sooner or later, we have four boys that will want to go to college, and that is coming up QUICKLY.
We have consciously limited the boys’ outside activities. They are pretty much focusing on Boy Scouts, which offers them all the variety and adventure a boy could want or need. But with three scouts now, that is three different scout schedules, which is one more thing to balance between church, school, and work.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my life, I think that we have what many people long for, and I am thankful for what we have. Through it all I am still very adamant about family dinners together, and time together doing fun things, balancing out the work of being in a family. I think sometimes I secretly long for the days when the boys were little, but back then I could not wait for them to grow up and be self sufficient…how fickle we women are!
I need to constantly remind myself that I daily sin much, and I am in daily repentance. I am thankful for a forgiving Father!